my ordinary life

Our future

2010-01-11T19:13:00.000-08:00

Cheers to 2010

I remember as a kid growing up in a small town, funny but only about 5 miles from here and now. Wow! That just hit me like a ton of bricks. I have never made it to the top and probably never will make it to the top and I now live only 5 miles from where I grew up as a child. Hmmm... I wonder what that says about me?

Anyway I got way off track. When I began to write this "edition" of my blog, which no one reads anyway, I was going to write about things to come, preferably happy things to come. But I am not really feeling very happy and confident about the future of 2010.
Sounds kind of funny to say. Twenty ten? Two Thousand and Ten? or just Two Thousand Ten? Don't know, think I will call it Twenty ten. The year to bounce back. The year to begin the future. What happened to our past?

The past. Growing up in a small town 5 miles from where I live now, but a life time ago. A mom, dad, three brothers, grandma, grandpa, cousins, aunts, uncles. Now just my kids. Seems in my process to be "Me" somehow I lost how to be my family. Not sure how that happened, but I am sure it was my fault.

Parents don't speak to me, one brother does, only when he accidently runs into me. Two brothers would not pick me up from the ground if I was bloody and beaten and aunts and uncles. Ha, ya what about that? Don't know.

Seems I got into a rut of always feeling like I had to fight for what was right no matter the cost. I guess in the process I fought my way to ending the drama, back stabbing and gossip my family has seemed to strive on. As long as I can recall my mother, father, and at least one brother, not sure what happened to the other one guess he married into it, has spent her (their) whole time talking bad about everyone. Judging everyone. Wow! Again I regress.

Ok, back to something good. Grew up in a small town about five miles from here. Graduated high school completely without having any idea what I was going to be when I grew up. Married young, had children young, BUT I did not divorce young. I held in there. I fought for what was right. At what expense to my children? At what expense to me? Wow there is something to think about.

Now 30 years later, I live five miles from where I lived 30 years ago. I am married to the worlds best husband. I truly mean that. And I have four wonderful children who give me fits, worries, scares and everything else that goes with a child just like normal people. And with that the four children have given me 7 more reasons to worry out of my mind. Grandbabies.

Although I live only 5 miles from where my adult life began, my life is incredibly different, but at the same time, incredibly the same. The day I moved out of my house, five miles from here, the day I married my first husband, my mother hated me. Today, five miles away but 30 years later, she still hates me. Guess somethings are worth fighting for.

I'm definitely all grown-up, I just haven't figured out what that all means.

From the Frying Pan into the Fire

2009-08-29T21:31:00.000-07:00

Well it has been a while since my last post. Blame it on being busy. Blame it on just plain nothing much to write. Well now I have something to write. In my last post I spoke about the new changes in my life with being unemployed. I think I have decided I can never really be unemployed. If it won't come to me, I will just go right out and get it.

I took a shot at starting up an Executive assistant business you might call it. I called it CBexecs. It was going ok. Steady side line work, but never enough to get off the old unemployment. Until one day, God pointed me in the direction of where my heart has always been... back into the media business.

In 1998 I quit my budding job with ole' Mr. JR Simplot, making a rather nice sum of money, to take on a dream of working in the media. Print media to be exact. I was given the position of Office Manager for a very small county newspaper, the Owyhee Avalanche.Within a couple of months, I was a reporter. I worked very hard to climb, learn and teach myself to be a reporter and if I don't say so myself I felt I did a damn good job. Well I did until a man, and I say that lightly, was hired to the position I had been working toward for 8 long years.

So what did I do, I walked. It wasn't really all that easy, I pondered for about a year and then just could not take it any more, I quit. No the newspaper did not go under as I swore to myself would happen if I left. But, everyone I see from the old stomping grounds tell me it just isn't the same without me. Anyway...

I Love the print media world. My uncle is a publisher and has written for many media outlets. He started out as a reporter and (he doesn't know this) I always wanted to be like him.
So back to the point. In July I met a gal, Cheryl Richards, who owns a magazine called the Urban Liaison in Nampa and Caldwell. I was going to start out writing for her, but after some talking I decided to take the plunge and buy her franchise of the "Boise Urban Liaison."

WOW what a ride it has been. I contacted Kent Cattron, formerly of IQ Idaho with me and asked if he would be interested in being a partner in this magazine. He was unemployed also and jumped at the idea. It has all been up hill from here.

We now have writers, editors, designers, an office, additional partners AND I am going to be on the morning news show with Channel 12 in September to talk about the magazine. I can not believe how fast and hard this is taking off. We have enough revenue to pay for the magazine to be printed and enough now to pay the designer. I am still in awe as to what is happening. It is incredible.

SO.... my point for the day is this, Do not ever let anyone take away your dreams. Believe me I have been to hell and back with a horrible ex husband, several not so nice ex bosses and a couple of people who only wanted to climb on me to their way to the top. Do not sit back and let it happen. It is hard, very hard, but living, laughing and loving your dreams will make them a reality. Double check the people you surround yourself with. Make sure they are confident, positive people and you will go far. Hello world meet Cheryl A. Beeson, CEO Boise Urban Liaison. :)

Easter bring hope

2009-04-12T20:37:00.000-07:00

Well another Easter has come and gone. We have never celebrated Easter much in our house and I look back now and wonder why did I never teach my children what Easter really meant. Probably because my parents never taught me. Lame excuse.

This morning I went to the local KFC to pick up some lunch so I could surprise my husband with an Easter picnic since he had to work. While I was in the lobby, a lady walked in and wished me a happy Easter. She said she loved Easter because it is a day for new beginnings. I had not thought much about it in the past. I understand and celebrate the passover and the rising of Christ I guess I have just taken advantage of the day and not given it a second thought.

But today her words struck pretty hard core. On Friday, April 10, American Passover, I officially became unemployed. I have not really been unemployed since 1991 when I went to work for JR Simplot. Since then I have worked steadily and always brought home a nice paycheck which grew in amount as the years went by. However beginning now the only steady income I will be able to count on is an unemployment check. At lease for a short time.

Why am I not scared to death? Why am I not freaking out because I am unemployed? Is it because of Passover? Over the last several years I have learned to give myself to God. My family was not very spiritual and my Ex was the anti-Christ; need I say more? But, because of so many different things happening in my life over the last several years, I have grown to allow someone else to help me with my "troubles". I have even become a little less self-destructive about failure.

So I am taking a plunge that is bigger then my second marriage, or my plunge at a divorce, I am starting up my own company. For years people have said that I am very good at so many different things. However the statement "jack of all trades; Master of none" has haunted me, I am going to turn it around to my, and my clients' benefits. I have started a business called CbExecs Administrative Services. As of one week of word of mouth, I have nine clients.

This is not going to make me rich, however it will let me master my one trade, Master of services. In my life I have overcome more obstacles then should be allowed, however they have all taught me to be stronger, love what I have and don't cry for something I don't. Since my first marriage failed, from that I learned that behind every black cloud is a silver lining. I believe that. I live that. When one good thing in my life ends, another better one is around the corner.

Please visit me, give me a call, give me a chance. www.cbexecs.com

Women with Bait

2009-02-16T20:07:00.000-08:00

I was invited last year to attend the 14th annual women with bait steelhead fishing contest in Riggins Idaho by two of my newest friends, Megan Jones and Terry Hogmire. I himhawed around for awhile because of the cost but also because I have caught steelhead before and would rather have paid the money for Randy to go and catch one. But my bull headed husband paid my dues and last weekend I was able to spend not only a wonderful weekend with him, but a awesome day on the river with some very neat ladies. Thanks Terri, Megan, Jaquline, Christy, Kat and Delores for a great opportunity. We will knock them dead next year.

Time...

2009-01-26T19:21:00.000-08:00

A colleague at the office made an interesting comment to me today that got me to thinking. We were talking about books and reading. I stated that I no longer have time to read so I find books I like and listen to them on my Mp3 player on my commute to and from work. He commented that we really do have time it just depends on what we feel are priorities.

When my kids were growing up I feel now like I had time. I was married to a not so nice individual whom I divorced eight years ago. When he was not home, which was often, I and my kids did a lot of things together. I had a full time job, four children, a husband who did nothing as far as being a family and I still feel I had more time then than I do now. I can't seem to figure it out.

Or maybe I have the same amount of time, just more things to do. I know a couple of my kids will disagree, however every waking moment of my life then was spent thinking about them. Protecting them and protecting them meant keeping them away from our house and the ex.

So, I was with two of my daughters to watch them shoot their first deer. I went to my sons baseball games, until I had to stop because I was not good at being a quiet mom. No I was never thrown out, I chose to watch from the car for his sake. He brought home each and every one of his girlfriends. I like to think it was for approval from old mom, but...

I watched them go to their first prom, my daughters first blind date with her now husband of 8 years, in which I sat across the street from the cafe she met him at. And witnessed the birth, participated in one, of 7 of my eight grandchildren.

But now, time just seems to be slipping by and I can't seem to catch up. I used to go camping nearly every weekend, fishing when ever I wanted and a trip every now and again to the river to just think. Where did that time go. I had four children for God's sake and still had more time then I do now.

I have a dress for my granddaughter that is cut out but has not been sewn yet. I have a scrap book that has one page done in it. I have two more dresses I want to sew. Just not enough time... or is it I am not making time? Something to ponder.

The rest of the story

2009-01-22T11:57:00.000-08:00

I thought today I would explore what it takes to be a mother since I seem to have some in my family who question the exact profession of being a "mother". At least to those of us who do not behave as they would see fit. I won't get into the ugly details, however it seems to me for a great many years women have been questioning everyone elses ability to be a mother if you stop and think about it, so I figured what the hell, lets explore this.
Mother by definition, at least according to the free dictionary.com states and I quote: "A woman who conceives, gives birth to, or raises and nurtures a child." Now there are other definitions but I think this one will work for now.
It seems to me that no one can argue that a mother is a woman who conceives, gives birth to, or raises a child, but the arguement seems to come in when we talk about nurturing. What is to nurture?
Again, from the free dictionary.com, nurture by definition is: "Something that nourishes; sustenance." Which is really a very vague definition, so what is the issue? The issue is we continue to question what is nurturing a child? Most people have their own way of nurturing. What I would like to know is where does it say that as a mother we are "professional" nurturers? If we were not professional, what gives us the right to tell other "mothers" around us how to be a mother?
I searched "famous mothers" on google and found most were famous for more political reasons not because of what they had done with their lives or with their children. Except Josephine Baker. I can relate to Josephine.
For those who do not know her, she was born in 1906, married twice by the time she was 15, survived the East St. Louise riots in 1917, ran away from home at 13 and was a dancer in vaudeville and on Braodway. Sounds like a good mother doesn't she? Well after first reading I am sure everyone, especially the professional mothers I know, are up in arms about how could a woman of this nature be a "famous mother" well like Paul Harvey says, "now for the rest of the story."
"During World War II Josephine Baker worked with the Red Cross, gathered intelligence for the French Resistance and entertained troops in Africa and the Middle East. After the war, Josephine Baker adopted, with her second husband, twelve children from around the world, making her home a World Village, a "showplace for brotherhood." Sounds a little like Angelina Jolie, who I am sure the professional mothers can not stand.

Surprised. What we see on the outside can in no way determine what is on the inside. The next time you see a child misbehaving or a parent not treating their child as "you" would. Think for a minute. Who really has the right to judge? Certainly not me and certainly not any of the "professional" mothers who are around me. Let God be the judge, you don't really know "the rest of the story."

Oh and by the way, I know two "perfect moms" my daughter and my daughter-in-law. I will always have suggestions, but will die trying not to judge.

Another holiday

2008-12-28T19:49:00.000-08:00

Well another holiday has come and gone. Tomorrow I find out more information on the doc visits, but today I get to dwell on a very wonderful Christmas.

Funny how the older we get the less "items" mean to us. (Sorry honey), I will have to say this year the absolutely best present I received was from my 3 year old grandson Alex. I was given the honor of receiving a hand painted star. Now most will think "ok, a star, nice." but you don't know about Alex and his stars.

I guess the best way to explain is to say Alex is autistic. I could say he is "special" but all my grandkids are special. He isn't different, he is three, acts like three, plays like three and even throws fits like he is three. No Alex is labeled as autistic. None of us treat him any different, I guess in the medical world you must have a label if you don't meet "standards".

Anyway I regress, the reason a hand painted star from Alex is so special is because Stars are so special to Alex. Ever since he was very young he has had an obsession with stars. Mostly star balloons, but actually just stars. At first I thought it was balloons, but found out rather by accident that it is not totally balloons as much as it is Stars. (I was trying one time to be the best grandma in the world and bought him a $10 balloon of Shrek which actually talked. He was scared to death of it. Needless to say, I calmed down in trying so hard for his approval.)

Stars are EXTREMELY important in Alex's world. They make him smile, laugh and adjust to uncomfortable situations. Some of us talk louder, retreat to our inside person or a huge variety of other things to deal with uncomfortable situations, Alex holds on to his stars.

So many of us could learn so much for a child like Alex. When the world is battling, Alex is watching the stars. Thanks Alex, Grandma loves you.

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I finally did it.

2008-12-21T19:03:00.000-08:00

Well I took everyone's pushing and prodding and went to the doctor. Well actually Randy and I went together. When did we get old. Funny how even though you don't feel old or act old, the body says something different. Randy was put on an EKG because of an irregular heart beat and I have a solid on my liver. And we both have high blood pressure now. Oh and the doc put me back on the pill and now I am battling morning sickness because my hormones are being messed with.

But, this blog is not to dwell on the negatives of our poor conditions, I want to talk about how we got here and what is next. How we got here, plan and simple we have aged. Ok so not much logic to that but growing up your parents never told you it would be this way when you reached forty. At 40 I began the second stage of my life. I remarried to my awesome husband, my kids began moving out of my home and getting lives of their own and I began having grandbabies. Wow I never thought of it, but my first grandbaby was born after I was 40. Now I have seven. But does that make you old? I don't think so. I think what makes us old is for so many years we abuse ourselves creating a career. Something to rely on when we get old, but what we don't count on is because of that desire to have completion we don't take care of the body that we will still have when we get older.

Then all of a sudden one day you wake up, roll your now enlarged butt to the side of the bed, groan as you pull yourself to an upright position and think "crap, I have got to pee." no more rolling over in bed and snuggeling for awhile and maybe getting a little lucky first thing in the morning. No, now the first thing you do is limp to the bathroom. Quickly. I say limp because after 40 your body does not respond as quickly as it did when you were 20, hell not even at 30. Now the rest of your body is still in the position it was when you were in bed.

Well, enough for now it is 9 p.m. and oh if I didn't mention it, you also get a new bedtime.

My oh so ordinary life

2008-12-11T19:54:00.000-08:00

Well everyone is doing it; so not that I am a follower, I am going to try this too. I am not really sure why. Why would anyone want to read about my "ordinary" life, but I guess I will analyze that at a later time. Right now, my introduction.

I am a 46 year old mother of four, fabulous grandmother of seven beautiful very different grandbabies. Life is, well Life...

I am married to the most wonderful man in the world, of course he is my extreme. I never do anything half way, it is always with both feet and full speed ahead. Pay for the consequences later. Anyway, my husband, after 19 years of marriage to my children's father, 9 of which I dispised him, I divorced just in time to find Randy.

Of course we are complete opposites, some times good, sometimes trying, but always loving. Well I guess this is a beginning stand by for my "Oh so ordinary life."