Our future

Cheers to 2010

I remember as a kid growing up in a small town, funny but only about 5 miles from here and now. Wow! That just hit me like a ton of bricks. I have never made it to the top and probably never will make it to the top and I now live only 5 miles from where I grew up as a child. Hmmm... I wonder what that says about me?

Anyway I got way off track. When I began to write this "edition" of my blog, which no one reads anyway, I was going to write about things to come, preferably happy things to come. But I am not really feeling very happy and confident about the future of 2010.
Sounds kind of funny to say. Twenty ten? Two Thousand and Ten? or just Two Thousand Ten? Don't know, think I will call it Twenty ten. The year to bounce back. The year to begin the future. What happened to our past?

The past. Growing up in a small town 5 miles from where I live now, but a life time ago. A mom, dad, three brothers, grandma, grandpa, cousins, aunts, uncles. Now just my kids. Seems in my process to be "Me" somehow I lost how to be my family. Not sure how that happened, but I am sure it was my fault.

Parents don't speak to me, one brother does, only when he accidently runs into me. Two brothers would not pick me up from the ground if I was bloody and beaten and aunts and uncles. Ha, ya what about that? Don't know.

Seems I got into a rut of always feeling like I had to fight for what was right no matter the cost. I guess in the process I fought my way to ending the drama, back stabbing and gossip my family has seemed to strive on. As long as I can recall my mother, father, and at least one brother, not sure what happened to the other one guess he married into it, has spent her (their) whole time talking bad about everyone. Judging everyone. Wow! Again I regress.

Ok, back to something good. Grew up in a small town about five miles from here. Graduated high school completely without having any idea what I was going to be when I grew up. Married young, had children young, BUT I did not divorce young. I held in there. I fought for what was right. At what expense to my children? At what expense to me? Wow there is something to think about.

Now 30 years later, I live five miles from where I lived 30 years ago. I am married to the worlds best husband. I truly mean that. And I have four wonderful children who give me fits, worries, scares and everything else that goes with a child just like normal people. And with that the four children have given me 7 more reasons to worry out of my mind. Grandbabies.

Although I live only 5 miles from where my adult life began, my life is incredibly different, but at the same time, incredibly the same. The day I moved out of my house, five miles from here, the day I married my first husband, my mother hated me. Today, five miles away but 30 years later, she still hates me. Guess somethings are worth fighting for.

I'm definitely all grown-up, I just haven't figured out what that all means.